we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
