I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
