Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
