u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
