return my video game
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
