this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
