someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
