Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
