we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
