Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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