If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
