Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
