it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His hands were made for my vagina.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
