she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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