I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
