Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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