I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
