She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
