Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
