i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
