If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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