Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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