Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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