I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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