Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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