so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize