She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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