I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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