If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
