Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize