she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
