Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
