She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize