I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
