Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You're like the curious george of whores
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I need water and some morals
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
