so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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