i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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