The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I got inside last night via doggy door
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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