I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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