Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
