I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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