good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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