My first STD was from a foam party
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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