Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was like getting head from an anaconda
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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