I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
