xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
