Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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