maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
