Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
