Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
