help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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