Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
