im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
