Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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