so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
His nipple licking is glorious
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