oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
