What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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