I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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