I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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