I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
