She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
