At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
