You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
