just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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