I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
